Please Don't Say You Love Me (Evalice)
by takethenight
Summary: Alice is reaching the end of her tether since losing Cora, and Eva is doing all her can to keep her together.


Eva twirled the remote in her hand whilst considering her options. If she watched Storage Wars, she could, technically, call it researching reality TV, not that they were studying it, but just incase. On the other hand, Orange is the New Black was calling her for what may or may not be the second time in three weeks. Her fingers were hovering over the Netflix icon before a sudden crash stopped them. She sat listening for a moment, hoping she could ignore it, but when more bangs and sounds of crashing came, she stood and raced into the small corridor with five doors.

At the end of the corridor, letting light flood in through it's stained glass windows, was the front door. The noise hadn't come from outside. The closest one was Eva's own room, which whilst unlocked couldn't have been the source of the noise unless Freya had snuck back in and was waiting for her. But like that was going to happen. Eva's heart sank when it clicked. The only two doors left belonged to Darius and Alice and whilst Darius was still working out where everything was in his room, he wasn't even in at the moment. She sighed as she approached Alice's door and steeled herself before knocking.

No response.

Eva reached down towards the door handle and began to turn it, half wishing it was locked and Alice was out, or training, but it turned in her hand and the door creaked open.

From where Eva lingered at the door she could see the furniture had been brought down and now lay upturned and broken on Alice's bedroom floor and in the centre, hunched over, sat Alice.

"Ali what's happened?" Eva called softly into the room.

No response.

Eva edged herself into the room towards the Vampire. The thought flashed through her mind that she should have brought a stake but she pushed it to the back of her mind, loathing that she even considered it. Alice was her friend, she wouldn't hurt her, would she? All of a sudden Eva felt like she was back in the woods, praying that Alice was safe, that she wasn't hurt.

As Eva got closer she could see Alice's reflection in the mirror the Vampire sat crouched in front of. She realised she couldn't make out the veins that usually protruded from beneath Alice's red-hooded eyes when she went feral before and let out a small sigh of relief.

The Vampire sat staring at herself, her fist clenched around a pair of pliers.

"Alice what are you doing?"

There was a short pause before Alice spoke. Eva thought she looked so small, curled up like that. Her right knee held tightly to her chest with the other curled beneath her, and for the first time she sounded as small as she was.

"Eva, will you do something for me?"

"Yeah sure, what do you need?"

"You promise?"

"Al what do you want?"

"Come here."

Eva went to stand above the redhead.

Alice took hold of her friend's hand and squeezed it gently before placing the pliers around her canine and replacing her hand in Eva's with the handle.

"Pull."

Eva's hand fell away from the pliers as she looked at her friend. "I'm not going to do that."

"You promised."

"No I didn't, and I'm not going to hurt you and I'm certainly not going to let you hurt yourself!"

Alice looked up at her friend and reached for her hand, grasping it softly. "I need you to do this for me."

"So what?"

The redhead met her friend's eyes, "what do you mean?"

"So what, I pull out your teeth and all your problems are solved? It doesn't change who you are Ali. You can just as easy hurt someone with your bare hands. You can't go on pretending this is a problem you can fix."

"So you're not going to help me?" Alice turned the pliers over and over in her hands, shifting her weight so she was knelt at the blonde's feet. Eva lowered herself to sit cross-legged beside her.

"Of course I'm going to help you." The blonde took her friend's hand in her own. "But not like this. You can stay on top of this. Drink regularly, exercise control, kill for sport when you need to."

Alice pulled away. "It's too dangerous Eva."

Alice stood and moved away from Eva, who for the first time since childhood, felt tiny next to Alice. "Cora was the only thing keeping me under control. You heard Freya. It made sense for me to go- to lose it, like I did. It's what monsters like me do."

"You're not a monster."

"I am."

"Not to me."

"Stop it. Do me a favour and stop it. Stop lying to yourself. I'm designed to seduce and rip through flesh and gorge on the blood of innocent people who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." She was pacing now. But any urge that Eva had had not to upset the Vampire were gone. Her friend was being a self-loathing twat, and Eva needed to remind her of that.

"I talked to Freya a lot you know."

"Yeah, inbetween fucking her."

Eva held her tongue for a moment. "I talked to her about when she turned. She went feral too Ali, most younger Vampires do."

"So is this a right of fucking passage now?" Alice kicked the upturned bookshelf.

"She didn't have anyone else, like you have us. she dragged herself out of it and now she's living without killing, she has donors and people with fetishes and deals with butchers. Just like Cora did."

Alice stopped. "Well I'm not Cora, am I?"

"That's not what I'm saying Al."

"No let me finish." Eva noticed Alice's chest heaving, she was getting angry again. "She had decades with her sire, she got taught all of this and she was so strong. No one gives her enough credit for that." Alice stopped, Eva noticed her breath was uneven as she spoke, "she was so kind and brave and true. She taught me as much as she could and then she died, for me. And now I'm the one left and I have no idea what I'm doing." She kicked the bookshelf again. "All I do is hurt people, and I don't want to hurt you Eva." Her voice rose. "I've been too close too many times and I can't do it anymore. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." Eva called as Alice paced the room, furious.

"But I might" Alice stopped and stared at her through teary eyes, "just go back to the living room. Leave me alone, please."

"No."

"Eva please." She turned her back on the blonde, but Eva wasn't ending this yet.

"No." Eva repeated, her voice wavering."I'm here for you Al. I want you to trust me. I want you to know you're not alone in this."

"I am entirely alone in this!" Alice spun round, vicious in the way she spat her words at the blonde. "I'm going to lose everyone. Fuck. I might even kill everyone." Her breathing became more ragged, more infuriated with every intake of air. "I thought I had control of this after Cora. I thought I could fucking fight this and win but I can't."

"Al" Eva was starting to panic.

"We can't fucking win!" The redhead was roaring now, grasping at her hair with such ferocity Eva was sure she might tear it out. Eva had never seen her like this, unless she was feral.

Alice was becoming more animated. "It's bigger than me, Eva. It's this fucking ache in my bones." She was spitting her words, now punching the wall. "I can't ignore it anymore. I'm a killer." Double punch. "I'm a monster."

With this final sentence Alice flipped over the chair that lay already upturned at her feet, narrowly missing Eva's head. She couldn't take it anymore, she didn't know what to do, how to stop this and without thinking the words left her mouth in a yell.

"When is a monster not a monster?"

Alice stopped.

The only sounds in the room were Eva's nervous breath and Alice's panting.

Eva daren't drop her gaze incase Alice turned around. She needed the readhead to see her, to understand. But Alice didn't turn around.

"Don't."

"What."

"You can't, Eva. I won't let you." Alice walked towards the overturned bookshelf and began putting it back in it's place.

"It's a bit fucking late for that." Eva was trying desperately to keep her ever more wavering voice in check. Alice stopped, bookshelf still resting on her small shoulder. "Alice I love you."

"You're not allowed to love me, Eva. It's not safe."

"Fuck you."

"Eva." With a final push, the bookshelf was upright again and Alice turned to face the girl who stood before her, lips trembling.

"No. You're not allowed to tell me I can't." Eva felt her blood grow hotter under her skin. "You can't say it's not because I feel safest with you." Her trembling lips gave way as she lost her fight to blink back tears.

"Eva." Alice moved closer, stopping herself before she got too close. "I'm too tired to fight this. It's gonna win and if it wins and you're close to me-"

"You won't hurt me!" Eva interrupted.

"Of course I will." For a moment, and only a moment, Alice's eyes seemed to flash with fear. "We know what I'm capable of."

"But look at you." Eva softened her voice, "You're here, you've made it here."

Alice held Eva's gaze, moving steadily towards her. "For how long though?"

"That's up to you. You can live with this Al, that's all I'm saying. It's not something you can beat, but you don't have to."

Alice's voice break as she spoke, "I'm so tired. I'm so tired."

"Hey," Eva held out her arms as Alice came towards her, and wrapped the redhead in her arms and began to rock slowly as Alice's small frame began to shake, odd words escaping through tears. "I don't - want -to do- this- anymore,"

Eva guided them both to the floor, where they sat, still clinging to each other. She continued to rock slowly, stroking Alice's hair and murmuring softly. "You're here, and you're trying, and I know Cora would be so proud of you for that."


End file.
